Challenging assumptions – “What did I expect would happen? When did things get off course? Did I expect something to happen to put me back on course?” Those are some of the questions I’d ask myself. Sometimes it can help to write out what one assumes before the interview and then compare the results with the expectations to see if they are realistic or not. Don’t forget that hindsight is 20/20 and foresight is rarely anywhere near that good.

Engaging other perspectives, which combines the ignorant and diversity points – Sometimes finding those people outside of IT to discuss how an interview went can provide insights into where things went wrong. Trying to explain the situation can provide insights into what you did see compared to what you thought or felt you saw. Maybe the interactions I had weren’t that special and different than other people’s situations and it can help to not feel so alone at times. Sometimes these situations are where someone can recommend a book or picture to help change one’s thinking at times. A couple of examples here would be things like looking at the points in “How to Win Friends and Influence People” or something on how to be mindful or “in the moment.”

Blindness – This comes from not wanting to look at each part of the puzzle. A challenge here is to think about what do you remember and don’t remember and whether or not a mock interview is done that is video taped so that one can do some analysis on it.

As an aside, I have had a wide range of interview results. I remember quite well my first interview at Microsoft which went horribly, to put it mildly. With each of the 3 people I met, I was making simple mistakes like not communicating what I’m thinking, having a general game plan of how to tackle a problem at a whiteboard, and a few other little things that in having someone give me some guidance and pointers, I did remarkably better the second time around. Of course I didn’t get the job either time in the end, but I did learn that I can adapt and learn, which can be a terrible thing to forget.

Lastly, don’t forget we are human and will screw up. We aren’t perfect and sometimes negative thinking patterns will come in these situations where aside from the perfectionism, there is also the self-judgement and self-hatred that can be triggered. Thoughts like “How could I screw up that much?” or “Why did I even try to work there? They’d never want me. I’m a monster,” are some that I’ve had time and time again. While they may be exaggerations, that doesn’t change the intensity of the feelings one has to battle here.